I think I may have mentioned earlier that 2 of Clem's 5 siblings have had a relationship break up since his death almost 18 months ago. For myself it is directly related to his death. Two months before his death was the last time we were planning to see each other. He was taking his kids to our alma mater, the University of Iowa. He wanted his oldest child to attend college there, as he had. I was to meet him there since things were rather hairy on the home front. Dad was goading Mom, as usual, but now she had begun to retaliate physically...the tables were turned. But we were concerned for other reasons as well. She was receiving many different prescriptions from 3 different doctors in order to treat her MS. She is irrational and alienates people in positions of authority. We always called it selective reality. This time she became angered at her neurologist and was no longer seeing her. She was passing out on an almost daily basis and falling down a lot. She has osteoporosis, as well, so falls are even more serious for her.
Clem and I, along with our youngest sister were sharing e-mails back and forth during this time about their well-being. The sister who is directly in front of me in birth order tries to stay out of the fray. She was helping in a different way. A PhD in nutrition and immunology, she was trying to persuade dad to send her a list of the medications mom was on. He read some of them over the phone to her and she said that some of them were uppers, some downers, and some used to treat some of her symptoms also are used to treat high blood pressure. My family has a history of low b.p. No wonder she was fainting, or nearly fainting every time she went from a laying or sitting position.
My younger sister, Jem, stayed out of the fray due to her 'changeling' status in the family. She recognizes the dysfunction and resents being delivered to the parents who bore her and, at times, the family in which she was born. My younger brother, the youngest of the family, and his wife live too close to the situation to deal with it. I tend to take the role of rescuer/peacemaker in many situations to the point where I will sacrifice my own happiness for that of others in my family. I am trying to change this, to be assertive and stand up for myself ever since seeing this behavior manifest itself in my older boy. My youngest sister, I think I have called her Cepe before is compulsively controlling. She has always wanted our family to 'just be normal'. In turns, she has been judgmental of and embarrassed by the two 'middle' children, Jem and me. In this situation, as in many, Clem listened to Cepe, as he normally did. After Cepe started working for a republican senator, Clem grew closer to her. Clem and my younger brother Spec became closest when Spec divorced his abusive first wife. I think Spec always respected Clem, this was the time, as adults that they really bonded.
Many e-mails went back and forth among the sibs about Mom and Dad. At one point I mentioned that I would love to meet Clem in Iowa City (IC). It had been a LONG time since I'd been back and I really like spending time with Clem and his family. The last two attempts I had made to visit the state where they lived had been thwarted, the first due to a kids' party and the second, in July 2007 because they would be in El Salvador working on the mission Clem and his wife had started with the help of their church. I was REALLY bummed about this one b/c Jaybe, Brick and I were going to be en route from WI to Cape cod, by car. I was at the beginning stages of my pregnancy with Puddles. I wanted to make the announcement in person. We ended up driving pretty much straight through, with 2-4 hour driving stints and trades and naps. One of the worst trips I have ever taken. And I have taken a lot.
The trip to IC, for my family, fell apart. To this day, that is my biggest regret in life. Coming up: "A Close Call" 10/18-10/19/08
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