Last month marked the fifth year anniversary of Clem's death. Our lives have changed in so many ways since. Nobody will ever understand my relationship with Clem. I cannot describe it in words...though that won't stop me from trying. I've often said that he was my first best friend. I bonded with him almost instantly and would have followed him anywhere as a child. As an 18-yo, I followed him to college at the University of Iowa. We talked my parents into letting me move there upon high school graduation. Dad said that I could spend the summer there if I could find a job within a week. He didn't think I could. With Clem's help, there was no way I could fail. I landed a housekeeping job at a nearby swanky hotel by Thursday of the week. Dad sounded disappointed. I was overjoyed. I later discovered that my younger sisters had some ill feelings about me leaving 'early'. I think that eventually they forgave this.
Where am I with the loss of Clem? My answers are in my heart, which is the only place that I will find answers because the circumstances of his death were such that some old white men in high places actually stood to benefit from the elimination of my brother, his knowledge, and his conscience. I don't really believe in hell, but if there is one, surely this 'trifecta of evil' will burn eternally, for I believe that they have traded their souls and humanity for the love of power and control. Fate, karma, god or some force will punish those responsible. I hope I live long enough to witness it. And then I take a deep breath and cleanse myself of the negativity that these men in power have brought to our nation.
I miss Clem, but not with the desperation I once did. I do feel his presence and his love; I still talk to him from time to time, and think that I always will. And I still feel cheated.
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